The Crazy Adventures of Nick and HUmphrey
by Riddikulus Flip
Summary: Crazy, random, and humurous adventures involving Humphrey and my OC Nick  WARNING: Swearing and mature humor wolfs posses human traits don't like don't read
1. Santa Claws

AN: Hello everybody who is reading this! As the title says this is a story of random adventures of my OC Nick and Humphrey. Caution there is quite a lot of swearing so be warned and they posses a lot of human qualities so don't like don't read. Liongate owns the rights to Alpha and omega I just own my OC's and my ideas. Enjoy! PS I don't own girl scouts and Nick is a pure black wolf with a white muzzle

The Crazy adventures of Nick and

Humphrey

Chapter 1: Santa Claws

Nick POV

I was dreaming very peacefully. In my dream I was chasing down a very big caribou, I was getting ready to pounce on it when the caribou said.

"Nick wake the hell up!"

What the fuck? I think to myself. Then suddenly I feel a sharp pain on my left flank and I jolt awake.

I woke up to a very special sight. If you count Humphrey being in my face staring at me like a pedophile a nice sight. This actually scared me so instead of just waking up my natural instincts kicked in. I reached back like a pimp and pimp slapped Humphrey across my den. I was still pretty sleepy so it took me a while to actually put it through my brain that I had just pimped slapped my best friend.

"Oh shit, Humphrey you alright bro?" I asked him.

"Oh of course nothing like getting pimped slapped by my best friend at 9 in the morning when I need help."

I was about to chuckle but I realized he needed help.

"Why the hell do you need help?" I said

"Because of Santa claws!" He yelled.

"Why in the fuck are you scared of Santa claws?" I asked with a hint of annoyance in my voice.

"Think about it Nick, he breaks into your den steals all your milk and cookies and leaves presents for all we know could be a bomb or pictures of his wolf." He said

"Humphrey there is no such thing as Santa clause." I told him.

"You just say that because you're an alpha." He said.

"No I say that because he isn't real." I stated

"You know what? You're coming with me to search for Santa claws."

"How do you plan on doing that? You realize its still summer, and how the hell did you get scared of Santa claws in the middle of summer?"

"Well Kate and I were talking about our future pups and she said she couldn't wait for Christmas so they could meet Santa claws. And I don't want that pedophile around my kids!" He exclaimed.

"Fine, fine whatever, but how the hell do you plan on catching Santa claws?" I asked.

"With these." He then exits my den and brings in to AK-47s.

"How the hell did you get those?" I asked.

"Garth."

"That actually makes sense." I said

"Wait but Humphrey how are we going to be able to shoot him?"

"With my totally bad ass plan." He says confidently.

"And that would be?"

"I heard that Santa claws is addicted to milk and cookies so I mugged a couple of hunters in a gang called girl scouts and I got Kate to put some of her milk in this glass." He says and holds up a glass filled with milk.

"So you mean that Kate filled that glass with her….?"

Humphrey then nodded yes.

"EEEEEEWWWWW get that shit away from me!" I yelled.

"Don't be a pussy hurry up lets set up the trap." He says while exiting the den carrying the cookies and milk leaving me to carry the guns.

4 hours later

"Damn it Humphrey we've been sitting in this spot for 3 hours." I yell annoyed. We were sitting in a spot behind some buses pointing our AK-47s towards the milk and cookies sitting on a tree stump in the middle of a small clearing.

"Shut the fuck up Nick your so loud." He whispers.

"Can I please leave?" I beg.

"Not until we find this pedophile." He says.

"Were never going to fi-." I was cut off by a the sound of the bush shaking.

Hobo POV

I was just thrown out of the house by my ex girlfriend 3 weeks ago alone, hungry, and my only clothes my Christmas outfit which was a Santa like jacket and hat. I was talking on the phone with her while wandering through Jasper Park.

"Shut the fuck up I hate you!" she yelled through the phone. I just pushed through some bushes when I started yelling back.

"And your just a hoe hoe HOE!" I yelled and hung up on her. "Dumb bitch." I say out loud.

I then look up and see a box of girl scout cookies and a glass of milk.

"Today must be my lucky day." I say while making my way over to the thin mints and milk.

Nick POV

"Oh my god! Nick did you hear that? He said ho ho ho and now he's eating the cookies and drinking the mild!" Humphrey whispered.

"Holy shit he is real!" I whispered back.

"Only one thing to do." He says and I nod.

"1" we say together and load the guns.

"2" we say as we aim the guns.

"3" we yell and we fire the entire clip into Santa claws.

After the firing ended we ran up to Santa claws and checked his pulse. He was dead.

"Take that you pedophile." Humphrey yells while dancing around.

"We killed him we killed him." Humphrey sings.

All of the sudden I see a bunch of reindeers pulling a sleigh across the sky and a small box drops on Humphreys head.

"Ow! What the fuck?" He says while holding his head.

"Open it." I tell him.

He opens it and sees a note in the box.

"What the hell?" He says while reading it.

"What's it say?" I ask curiously.

"It says better luck next time boys. Signed Santa claws." He says with a shocked face while I face palm.

AN: And that concludes the first chapter of The Crazy Adventures of Nick and Humphrey hoped you like it please comment and review no flames please even though it was stupid hahahah


	2. Fanfiction

AN: Hello my loyal readers who are back for another idiotic adventure of Nick and Humphrey but lets skip the boring authors note and get right into the story I don't own alpha and omega or apple or fan fiction

Chapter 2: Fan fiction

Nick POV

It started out like any ordinary day. I was walking around minding my own business and being sexy, when out of nowhere this Silver Square with an apple that some fat ass tried to eat because there was a bite taken out of it. I didn't know what to do with it so I dragged it back into my den and called Humphrey. Humphrey wandered into my den looking extremely tired.

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked

"Log sledding."He said

"oooooh." I said

"Well anyway look at what I found." I say and I show him the Silver Square.

"What the hell is it?" He asks

"I honestly don't know but it seems that you are able to open it and me being the genius alpha have ran numerous tests but have not been able to figure out how to open it." I tell him.

He then walks over to the Silver Square and presses this button in front of it I yelled at him not to press it but he pressed it anyway, the lid popped open and he used his paws to open it up.

I looked at him in surprise.

"Was that so hard?" He asked.

"Well I thought that was a self destruct button." I admit.

"You're a dumb ass Nick."

"And you're an ass hole Humphrey."

I looked at the screen and it said Fan fiction Alpha and omega.

"Wait how the hell do you work this thing?" I ask

"The hell if I know." Humphrey says.

1 hour later

We learned how to work the mouse pad

2 hours later

We learned how to click

3 hours later

We learned how to use the keyboard. While trying to figure out how the hell to use this machine Garth, Lilly and Kate came into the den to watch us.

"Finally we learned how to use this damn machine!" I say happily causing everyone to cheer.

"Now let's see what this so called fan fiction is." Garth says and we all agree.

I scroll all the way down and we see a ratings button I click on it and there's a list of ratings.

"Which one should I pick?"

"Oooooh how about M? That's my favorite letter!" Lilly suggested.

I selected M. I found a story called the spark of love by mercenary fox.

"Hey me and Kate are in this one!" Humphrey exclaims getting excited.

We read the story and after we read chapter 3 everyone had their mouths open.

"Is that what a lemon is I thought they were a kind of food!" Garth yelled

"I'm scared." I said and Lilly nodded in agreement.

"Wait, where the hell is Kate and Humphrey?" I asked.

"I think they went back to their den." Lilly said

"Lets check." Garth suggested so we walked to their den when we heard screams and the scent of something weird.

The screams continued and the scent got stronger.

"Do you think there alright? Maybe something's wrong." Lilly said obviously worried for her sister.

"I'll go check." I offered

Garth Pov

"I hope there alright." My beautiful mate Lilly said.

"Don't worry I'm sure their fine." I said comforting her. Nick went into the den stood there for about a minute and walked back to us his face frozen into a look of shock, so I walked over to him.

"What happened are they ok?" I asked and Nick nodded.

"Bro what's wrong?" I asked. He then put his paws on my shoulder and looked into my eyes.

"Garth there are a few things in life so horrifying you can't un see what I saw back there no wolf should ever have to see." He says and walks away.

"Wait Nick where are you going?" I ask

"To throw up!" He yells.

AN: And that concludes the chapter oh and if your wondering mercenary fox is a beast author and a spark of love is a great story go check his stories out. And if you haven't guessed Nick walked in on Humphrey and Kate mating. As always please review.


	3. Prank call

**AN: Hello everyone! You are all here to read the newest and last chapter in The Crazy Adventures of Nick and Humphrey well let's end this authors note and get right into the story. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 3: The prank call**

It's been 3 days, 14 hours, 7 minutes, and 53 wait 54 seconds since Winston put those telephones in everyone's den, yep that's right we've been so bored Humphrey and I have kept count.

"Dude I'm so freaking bored." Humphrey whines.

"Same here, why don't we walk around?" I suggest.

"Yeah sure whatever." Humphrey says as he exits the Club House we made out of an empty den and I follow him.

As we were walking I spot a colorful book underneath a tree.

"Hey, look at that." I say as we walk towards the book.

"How to make Prank calls." I read off the cover of the book.

"This looks interesting. Lets take this back to the Club House." Humphrey says and I nod in agreement. We pick up the book and carry it back to the Club House.

At the Club House we open the book and it says step 1 dial *67 before putting the number of the person you are going to prank.

"Who should we prank?" I ask.

"How about barf oops I mean Garth." Humphrey suggests. I nod and input *67 followed by Garth's number. I chose a joke and then I pressed call. It rang 3 times before Garth answered the phone.

Garth: Hello?

Me: Hello sir is your refrigerator running?

Garth: What the fuck is a refrigerator?

Me: Then you better go catch it

Garth:….. Are you high?

Me: Um, yes?

With that he hung up.

"Dude that freaking sucked."

"Yeah I know." I sigh. He takes the phone

"Watch the master kid." I looked out the den and saw Garth working out.

"Garth's working out Lilly's probably going to answer." I tell Humphrey.

"Ok." He says while dialing *67 followed by the number.

Humphrey Pov

It rang 4 times before she picked the phone up.

Lilly: Hello?

Me: Hello is Garth home?

Lilly: No he's outside at the moment if I may ask, who is this?

Me: My name is Max and I'm calling to inform Garth that his subscription to Nude Wolfs monthly has expired.

Lilly: Call me back in 10 minutes I'll go ask him.

With that she hung up. I looked outside to see an angry Lilly grab Garth by the ear and started to yell at him.

Garth Pov

Lilly came storming out of the den right into my face and grabbed my ear, looking back I could have sworn her eyes were red not purple that day

"What the fuck is this about a fucking porn magazine? I'm not good enough you?" She yelled in my face for some unknown reason I didn't know what the hell she was talking about.

"I uh wait wh-?" I was cut off from a bitch slap by Lilly.

"You know what? Yu can sleep on the fucking log tonight!" She yelled and stomped back into the den.

Humphrey Pov

What I had just witnessed may have been one of the funniest things in my life, I looked to my left to see Nick laughing his ass off.

"Ok, enough fun let's fix the relationship." Nick says and I nod and punched in the number. Nick has this scared look on his face and tells me to hang up but I just tell him to shut up.

The phone rings twice and she answers.

Lilly: Hum-?

Me: Oops I'm sorry ma'am we had the wrong Garth we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. Have a good day

I then hung up.

"Man that was gold." I said.

"Humphrey you dumb ass you forgot to put *67!" Nick yells.

"Oh shit." I say.

Lilly Pov

After Humphrey or Max had hung up I knew that this was all a joke. But I need to teach Humphrey a lesson so I went into the room Garth and I share and grabbed the Uzi from under the bed. I then walked outside. As soon as I walked outside Garth saw the Uzi and thought I was still mad, so I hugged him.

"Oh Garth I'm so sorry for getting mad at you earlier. Tell you what tonight I'll make it up to you." I say winking at him causing him to blush and nod. I then walk to Nicks and Humphreys little Club House with my Uzi

Nick Pov

"Were screwed!" I yell.

"Wait what if" Humphrey was cut off by the scariest voice in the world right now'

"Hi boys." Lilly says with a smile with an Uzi pointed at Humphrey.

"Oh shit." Humphrey and I say at the same time.

**AN: Damn looks like Humphrey got himself and Nick into a sticky situation. How will they get out what happens next? Well read the sequel that I will write (it will actually have a story line) after I write this new story I've been writing in a journal about what if Jasper Park was one huge country separated into 4 regions where the wolfs are gladiators that ride horses and are all out to conquer Jasper. Well anyway thank you to anyone who read my story hope you liked it please review and I will see you all in another story. **


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